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June 7, 2016

Church Hires Administrator So Pastor Has More People to Micromanage

Gila Bend, AZ – Three-year-old church plant, amAZing Grace Fellowship recently announced that they have hired a church administrator to help Pastor Greg Glengarry micromanage even more members of the church.

Sara Glen-Ross was hired last week and has already been micromanaged while updating the church’s directory, staff website profiles, and the menu for the upcoming retreat. Next week, the team hopes to be micromanaged by Pastor Greg regarding the foyer flower arrangements and the font used on the bulletin as well as what brand of diapers to stock in the nursery’s emergency supply.

“It would not be right for us to neglect the micromanagement of those who wait on tables” explained Pastor Greg. “If not us, then who will send them with highly detailed and specific instructions?”

Regular visitors and brothers Mort and Randy Duke have already seen the difference. “just last month the church service was beginning to run too smoothly” Randy said. “We knew something had to be done now that the deacon team was getting so efficient” added Mort. That’s when the elders made the decision to hire Sara to work 10 hours per week, noting that about 30 hours a week of her time would be needed to keep up with the changing whims of the pastoral staff.

Just last week Sara had to reschedule the small group leaders’ lunch three times to accommodate everyone and the final schedule ended up having the least attendance possible, just the way the Pastor wanted it. “Everyone was so flexible but I knew Pastor Greg wouldn’t give up. He’d find a way to make it difficult to attend – and he didn’t let me down.” Said a tired and haggard Sara. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to change the clocks ahead 1 minute throughout the building.”

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  • At 10:10 am on October 31, 2019, Kim Soi commented:

    Anything to get more donations and more money out of clueless people

  • At 9:31 am on December 2, 2019, archshrk commented:

    You do realize this was satire, right?

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