Checking Out Early?

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March 28, 2006

Checking Out Early?

I was over at Rustbelt Ramblings and came across this great post about supermarkets and the afterlife.

At check-out time in the supermarket I follow these simple rules:

a) Go to the shortest queue.
b) If all queues are lenghty, proceed to the hottest cashier.
c) If accompanied by spouse, proceed to homeliest cashier.

*On gub’ment cheque day, send spouse and take boys to the park instead.

There are no guarantees that checkout time will be chafe-free and expeditious. Almost invariably, the little light blinks on and off as the hot or homely cashier looks around helplessly for the manager, thus prolonging the agony (though the hotness of the cashier slightly diminishes the pain).

When the time comes for the final checkout, (insert funeral dirge here), there are also no guarantees. In this case, I would look for the longest line and, at all costs, avoid the one where the manager is helping the hot cashier with a discrepancy.

In addition to the three rules for checking out of the supermarket, he has the three methods he hopes not to die and some very sound reasoning to back up his motivation. While we will all die and no one has control over how (even suicides fail) it’s good to get your goals in order. As for me, I’m not so sure the “octogenarian” scenario is the best, but hey, to each their own. Remember, ten out of ten people die. Are you ready?

30 comments

At 9:52 pm on March 28, 2006, OldOldLady Of The Hills commented:

I’m here from Michele today and Congratulations on being The Site Of The Day..
Am I ready…yes, I think I am.
At 10:14 pm on March 28, 2006, mar commented:

Congrats on being the site of the day! Michele sent me your way. My kid is almost of legal age, that has been my concern. Now my only concern is not to get too old or too sick that I wouldn’t enjoy being around..!
At 11:54 pm on March 28, 2006, robin commented:

I like the new blog template! I’m here from Michele’s, you are the site du jour!
At 2:54 am on March 29, 2006, Sarcasmom commented:

Hi. MIchele sent me. Isn’t that how everyone picks their final fronteir? At the market I mean.
At 3:48 am on March 29, 2006, sandy commented:

Hi! Michele sent me. Congrats on being site of the day.

At the supermarket - It doesn’t matter what I do. I always end up in the line that moves the slowest.

In regards to death - my goals are simple. Whenever it comes, I want to go knowing that I lived each moment I had to the fullest. I don’t want to leave my family before it’s time, but I know what awaits me is nothing to be fearful of. In fact, I think it’ll be nothing short of divine.
At 4:01 am on March 29, 2006, Karen commented:

Congrats on being site of the day. I don’t think those are goals as much as just mean-spirited leanings. One day, he’ll be the “homely” person that people avoid. But that’s just my opinion.

Michele sent me!
At 5:12 am on March 29, 2006, kenju commented:

I hope I am an octogenarian when the time comes, as long as my health and mind remain sharp. Otherwise, I’ll take the short line….LOL
At 5:13 am on March 29, 2006, kenju commented:

Sorry, I forgot; Michele sent me - and congrats on being the site of the day!
At 5:24 am on March 29, 2006, deana commented:

Congrats on being site of the day. I like your template style.

Michelle sent me.

And I always go to the most competent cashiers line. You learn them after a while.
At 5:44 am on March 29, 2006, Linda commented:

I deal with whatever I get in the supermarket…paitence is NOT my virtue, though lately I’ve been blessed with no lines (gotta love a small post and commissary).

With regards to death…yup, I’m a gonna die…whenever it happens is fine with me.

BTW - Michele sent me!
At 5:46 am on March 29, 2006, Angela commented:

That’s too funny! Congrats on being site of the day. Michele sent me.
At 6:06 am on March 29, 2006, PHAT Mommy commented:

Funny stuff. Michele sent me.
At 6:37 am on March 29, 2006, colleen commented:

That was fun to read! I’ll be thinking about it all day. Michele sent me today.
At 6:41 am on March 29, 2006, Jugglernaut commented:

Hi! Michele sent me.
At 7:30 am on March 29, 2006, Megan commented:

Hah! And here I wrote my very own obituary yesterday!

Hi - Michele sent me!
At 7:36 am on March 29, 2006, Terri commented:

Congrats on being Site of the Day….Michele sent me.
At 7:43 am on March 29, 2006, srp commented:

Michele sent me today but I’ll be back. Am I ready? Yes and I’ll be in the line with that beautiful angel at the checkout.
At 8:14 am on March 29, 2006, Cyndy commented:

Hello! Michele Sent me! Congratulations on her choice of your wonderful blog.
At 8:15 am on March 29, 2006, Sarah commented:

Hello Michele sent me.
At 8:22 am on March 29, 2006, barbie2be commented:

congrats on site of the day! michele sent me.
At 8:31 am on March 29, 2006, Janet commented:

Is anyone ever ready? Hi, Michele sent me :-)
At 10:00 am on March 29, 2006, Jade commented:

I’d go straight to the hot checkout clerk if there were a hot male manager waiting in the wings ;o). Hello, Michele sent me.
At 12:02 pm on March 29, 2006, Kimi commented:

Michele sent me. Congrats on being the site of the day.

I’m not quite ready yet. I still have too many things I want to do in life.
At 12:19 pm on March 29, 2006, Keb commented:

I\’ve been here before. This time Michele sent me. How ya been?
At 12:22 pm on March 29, 2006, Chrissie commented:

Michele sent me too. I’ve been very close to death… long story buy they told my family I had 10% chance of survival - and I survived! I have to say I am slightly afraid of death… I wasn’t before my close call - but am now - I’m not sure why.
At 2:14 pm on March 29, 2006, NetChick commented:

This is a really different blog template!

Congrats on being Michele’s site of the day… Have an awesome Wednesday!
At 4:11 pm on March 29, 2006, Radioactive Jam commented:

Extra exposure! Cool! And congrats on having a good “top” post for the Day. Weird though - when I started reading this I missed the part about the checkout line being a quote. I thought Whoa! “Hottest cashier?” This does NOT sound like archshrk! Then I started over and got a clue.

Maybe I’ll keep a half-decent post as a draft for emergency release. I can see it now: some future day my quirky little site gets a sudden inrush of attention, and my “top” post is yet another out-there clump of nonsense involving monkeys and clowns. Let’s face it, that’s the high percentage bet in my case.
:-)
At 1:49 pm on March 30, 2006, honestyrain commented:

are you saying, then, that even i shall, you know, carry on to another world some day long long in the future? even i? shocking news!
At 6:33 pm on March 30, 2006, Im Chele In [dot] LA commented:

i missed you being site of the day..
Wow I am so behind..
At 8:39 am on April 2, 2006, LilRed commented:

I\\\’m a little late, but just thought I\\\’d congratulate you on being Michele\\\’s site of the day!